Contention over Words
Some people define accent as the wrong way to say something. Others define it as the way people speak in areas farther away from where they live. The fact is that if you can communicate you have an accent. In other words, you say your words with a certain emphasis on certain syllables based on how you were taught growing up or learned through hearing. I am not lacking offense in this area, but it tends to attract contention when we were taught that there is a right way to say a word or phrase and other people say that word or phrase differently.
Recently at work there were two such instances where there was a controversy over how to say certain words (that is why this is on my mind;) and we all left the conversation thinking that we were right and the other was wrong. There are still those pet peeves that we probably all have, where we are bothered when people say a certain word a certain way. I still have them, but I often can't always remember what they are; and that is for the best. The question then arises: Is it better to be right or to be happy? Far too often this question should be asked and isn't, in many areas of life.
This question could be discussed and debated over and over, with many different scenarios presented, that could attempt to prove my answer wrong; and very possibly I could be wrong if that is the purpose of the discussion. But my answer is that it is far better to be happy than to be right. This doesn't mean that I am perfect in this area by any means, but I hope that I'm getting there because the Lord said "And there shall be no disputations among you ... for ... he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil." And I hope I'm learning how to obey this commandment.
A book that I highly recommend elaborates on this issue: How to Win Friends and Influence People. There are four chapters that have to do with this topic specifically:
- 1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
Comments
I feel like this might be an example of something that is being seen as an either/or situation (or win/loose situation) when it is really a matter of thinking outside the box (to create a win-win situation.) Perhaps one can both be right and be happy at the same time but it is a matter of thinking about it differently.
I have trouble accepting the premise that being right is less important that being happy, I feel like they are apples and oranges. One can be wrong and happy, right and happy, wrong and unhappy, right and unhappy. Does rightness really affect happiness? If so why? I'd love your thoughts, here are mine.
When it comes to people relationships, being respectful of the right of others to think and feel differently from you is a mark of maturity. Knowing when to stop arguing has more to do with happiness then who is right, I believe. So the real issue here, I suspect, is actually knowing how to feel strongly about your opinion when you are unable to convince another and still be harmonious. It really can be done but it takes a high level of maturity on the part of both people.
Once the contentious person sees that it is the contention that leads to unhappiness, and then chooses happiness by dropping the contention, then they open themselves and their minds up to accept being both right and happy and allows the other person their right of opinion.
This allows the spirit to enter the conversation which brings love, softens hearts and we may all be edified by the difference of opinions, rather than the destruction that can come from the difference of opinions.